Mike Ashley Paint

Mike Ashley, before buying Newcastle United, watched his first football match at St James' Park and was struck by the differences between English and American football.

After the match, he fell into conversation with Lil 'Mickey Owen and said: "You know, over in the States, our players wear heavy protective clothing. You guys must be frozen in light clothing.

"It is not so bad," said Mickey. "Sometimes the ground is covered with snow.

"You do not say! exclaimed the American. "What do you do about the balls? Paint the red?

"Oh, no," said Owen. "We just wear a pair of shorts.

Owen is thick enough to say that, lol.

And ....